Through Hateful Eyes

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I find myself still asking the question, what is my purpose in life? It remains unanswered. Although sometimes when I come up with new ideas about changing the trajectory of my life, it becomes my purpose for the moment. Then reality hits, and I'm back to asking the familiar question, what is my purpose in life? My mother was not the motherly type, she never hugged, kiss, or told my siblings and I that she loved us until July 2011, the year and month of her death. Unfortunately, being that it was decades later in our lives, it felt foreign to us. The verbal abuse and neglect that we endured overpowered those words that she spoke on her deathbed. My father whom we lost on March 2010 played a role in how dysfunctional our family lives were. He fathered twelve-plus children, never really paid child support, but always told us that he loved us. My firstborn, whom I lost by murder at age sixteen in 2005, still haunts my thoughts. I was told that each year it gets easier. I'm still waiting. Throughout my trials and tribulations, I was able to accomplish obtaining my masters, bachelors, associates degrees and raising my youngest alone. I am a survivor, and yet the question remains, what is my purpose in life?