The Pain My Smile HIdes

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How did I become the person I am today? I have become a weak person, a person that now has low self-esteem, a person that now feels broken, unloved, and in so much pain. I am trying to figure out why and when I stopped loving myself and accepted the type of treatment that I have endured. When you hear my story, you may judge me, call me weak and insecure, and say I have low self-esteem and no self confidence. Well, whatever you say about me, believe me, I have already said it about myself repeatedly. I have cried many days and nights, asking myself the same thing, but the pain I am feeling right now is so unbearable that I feel like I am losing my mind. Every day I wear a mask with a smile on my face, laughing and talking to people at work, my family, and friends. A mask of happiness but inside, I am sad, feeling drained, tired, and most of all, embarrassed. I did not want people to know what I was going through because of the embarrassment and being disappointed in myself that I had allowed myself to become the person I am now.