Dream Tales and Prose Poems by Ivan Turgenev, Fiction, Poetry

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From "The Dream": I was living at that time with my mother in a little seaside town. I was in my seventeenth year, while my mother was not quite five-and-thirty, she had married very young. When my father died, I was only seven years old, but I remember him well. My mother was a fair-haired woman, not very tall, with a charming, but always sad-looking face, a soft, tired voice and timid gestures. In her youth she had been reputed a beauty, and to the end she remained attractive and pretty. I have never seen deeper, tenderer, and sadder eyes, finer and softer hair, I never saw hands so exquisite. I adored her, and she loved me. . . . But our life was not a bright one, a secret, hopeless, undeserved sorrow seemed forever gnawing at the very root of her being. This sorrow could not be accounted for by the loss of my father simply, great as that loss was to her, passionately as my mother had loved him, and devoutly as she had cherished his memory. . . . No! something more lay hidden in it, which I did not understand, but of which I was aware, dimly and yet intensely aware, whenever I looked into those soft and unchanging eyes, at those lips, unchanging too, not compressed in bitterness, but, as it were, forever set in one expression. I have said that my mother loved me, but there were moments when she repulsed me, when my presence was oppressive to her, unendurable. At such times she felt a sort of involuntary aversion for me, and was horrified afterwards, blamed herself with tears, pressed me to her heart.